Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
