So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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