Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
