It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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