i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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