Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
