Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
