So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
