grandma shit on top of the toilet
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
