I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
