im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
