i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
