Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
