I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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