Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
bring money and cleavage
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize