Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
