my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
