You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
