YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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