fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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