The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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