I'd wear matching sweaters with you
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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