So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
