So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
