It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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