At least make sure they are 18
Why
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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