hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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