Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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