Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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