oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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