i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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