There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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