guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
You smell like stripper and shame
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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