you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
