A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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