So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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