Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
