I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
