I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
