I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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