I love black thongs
She announced her abortion via fbk
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
