I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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