Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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