well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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