Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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