This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
