I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
party gras won. party gras always wins.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
