Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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