You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Randomize
