Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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