Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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