I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
