Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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