Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
