I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
