worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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