No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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