he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
