God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize