This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
