i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
