Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize