Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
