she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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