I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
