i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
