Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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