I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
