Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
