I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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