I'm so fucking centered right now
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
