I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Found your dick twin last night
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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