They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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