I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
the room spins SO much faster in panama
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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