I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
