Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
