i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
