How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
