so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
