She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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