dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
