just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
