It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
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Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
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I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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