So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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