I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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