I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
