We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
