How'd it feel making her break her religion?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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