ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
